Fallen Feathers

I have a very good friend whom I greatly respect intellectually, professionally, socially, physically, and morally. I'm glad to know him, and value every interaction we have. But sometimes it can be difficult. And today is one of those days.

See, we have a lot in common, somewhat similar life tracks and are generally interested in the same ideas, hobbies, lifestyles and practices. But he is better than me and more dedicated. At all of them.

I know about the dangers and uselessness of make such comparisons, and I almost never do. I've never been one to angst over such things and am happy to just be the best me that I can.

I'm almost always content with our relationship, happy to learn from him and excited by what he is doing. I feel myself growing from knowing him and am happy that I helped facilite him becoming who he is today.

And then, rarely, briefly, passingly, painfully, it fills me with self doubt.

I know it will pass. I know that I have accomplished much, will accomplish much more and have much to be proud of. I, egotistical jerk that I am, know that I have done much better at life than so many of my peers, and that I am not one to be stuck in the past, but am constantly becoming a better person. I can look back on my life so far with pride.

Earlier today I was discussing this, and discussing our core differences with sacra_imbri. She pointed out that the biggest difference between us is that he is astoundingly good at self directing his goals and dedicating himself to them, while I can be indecisive and hesitant to throw myself fully into the fire. She's right, and this is probably the thing that I am most often upset with myself about. But I have no idea how to change it. How do you develop creatively past indecision and learn to fully commit to your own decisions and desires?

I'm pretty good at self direction and discipline. I'm pretty good at exploring new ideas, self teaching, contemplation and experimentation. But I could be better at all of these. I could be more expressive, I could be better at building and leading community and I could be better at focusing on living the life I imagine, rather than the one my actions take me towards. It wouldn't look very different, we're talking degrees here not major course corrections. I mean, I've already done a hell of a lot and am looking forward to more.

So, what techniques, what praxis, what magic would help me make that next step? Is it something that I should do, that I can do? Or, what can I do to accept this part of who I am?

Tomorrow I won't feel this way. And on Monday I am going to take a step towards dealing with some of the things that I think may be holding me back.

This time around, I'm not making any direct predictions. The world is too uncertain, we are too near a nodal point to make any. Instead, I will be outlining some of the major issues that we will face. Our response, as individuals, as nations and as a species will determine what our future holds.

Finances - We are in the midst of a major financial crisis. It has many causes, but chief among them are poor assumptions about resource limitations, human behavior and willful ignorance of long term consequences.

Loss of Diplomatic Goodwill - Power centers are shifting, and with them old diplomatic ties are being broken. The US, along with several other nations, has alienated the world, and lost much of its ability to inspire.

Environmental Change - We face not just long termt climate change, but also environmental destruction in places like China and Brazil that directly impact the carrying capacity of the planet

General Resource Depletion - We are starting to bump up against supply limits of several resources such as fresh water, soil nitrogen, and many rare earth elements.

Energy Depletion - In many ways energy depletion underlies all of the other issues. While oil production has not yet peaked, the 2010+-5 time frame still seems most likely. Nat gas peak will likely follow by a decade or two.


This list can be pretty daunting. Civilizations have collapsed and people have been wiped out because they were not able to meet these challenges. But I have hope. For every example of people failing to meet these challenges, there are examples where not only have we met them, but where we have come out better for it.

There are no magic wands to wave that will solve these problems, but they are solvable. It will take work, as individuals, as societies, as nations and as a species, but they can be solved. We won't solve them by sticking our heads in the sand or by blaming others or by expecting someone else to solve them. We must face these problems, admit that we are all responsible for solving them and work together. Will we? I don't know, but we have before.