One for bad news

My sense of numina is broken. It has been for years.

I know most of you know that, but I want to talk about it now.

There are some things that trigger a feeling of numina, but for the most part they are rather odd and quite intermittent.

A happily running machine, particularly engines and electric motors
Birds
The afterglow of really good sex
A good battle at Estrella
Kittens
Music
Complex self adjusting natural systems, such as predator/prey relationships
Puppies
Writing small bits of low level code and watching it run
Riding my motorcycle
A nice campfire


A friend posted something earlier today that almost brought it up. Once upon a time it would have. But now... now it reminds me that all I will be able to do is look in and enjoy the memory before it goes away.

How do I say what I want to say next without whining? I don't think I can, so I will stop now.